As Autism and ADHD Diagnoses Surge, Love on the Autism Spectrum Offers Free Sessions for Long-Married Couples Who Never Had a Name for It

Late-identified at 57 and with her partner more than 40 years, couples specialist Barbara "Blaze" Lazarony says the crisis isn't the diagnosis. It's the decades of marriage spent without one.

Pacific Grove, CA, Oct. 20, 2026 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- Love on the Autism Spectrum, the California therapy and worldwide coaching practice of Barbara "Blaze" Lazarony, MA, LMFT, today announced it is offering free 20-minute Clarity & Connection Zoom sessions for couples and individuals who suspect neurodivergence is shaping their relationship. The announcement comes during ADHD Awareness Month, as debate grows over why autism and ADHD diagnoses keep climbing, and as Lazarony says the conversation is missing the people in her office: married adults in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are only now learning why their relationships have felt so hard for so long.

Barbara "Blaze" Lazarony, MA, LMFT, founder of Love on the Autism Spectrum.

"Everyone's asking whether too many people are being diagnosed," said Lazarony, LMFT #151788, founder of Love on the Autism Spectrum, who works exclusively with neurodivergent adults and couples. "The crisis isn't the diagnosis. It's the 20-, 30-, 40-year marriages that never had a name for what was happening."

A large Danish study published in September found that children diagnosed with ADHD or autism today look more like the general population than those diagnosed a decade ago, suggesting rising rates partly reflect broader identification.

About 80 percent of Lazarony's practice is couples, most between 40 and 70. The people most often missed, she said, are women, BIPOC and gender-nonconforming adults, and they are exactly who tends to walk through her door.

Why now

Lazarony traces much of the current wave to the pandemic. "People were isolated in their homes, and they're like, 'What do you do?'" she said.

Now the kids are leaving. Many clients have teenagers heading to college, and the fear is blunt. "I'm going to be left with him again, like during COVID," she said, describing what many wives tell her. "And I don't know if I can do it."

A pattern, not a villain

Lazarony describes a dynamic she sees often in mixed-neurotype couples. One partner, frequently the woman, has undiagnosed ADHD or complex trauma and carries the household's invisible mental load. The other, often an autistic man, is smart, responsible and thrives at work, where "it's about systems, policies and procedures." Early on, she becomes his special interest. Over time that focus moves elsewhere, leaving both partners confused and hurt.

"No shame, no blame," Lazarony said. "We're just trying to identify the pattern in the relationship and how we communicate about it."

"Relief first, then curiosity, then connection," said Harry Motro, PsyD, LMFT, clinical director of New Path Family Therapy Centers. "Couples who'd written each other off start laughing again, because they finally understand each other's wiring."

From both sides of the chair

Lazarony spent 20 years at Macy's. The first of three cancer diagnoses, at 38, was her wake-up call. "This is only one life," she remembers thinking. "Who are you, really?" It pushed her into coaching in 2003 and graduate school in 2018.

After an early autism and ADHD assessment as a new clinician, she told her supervisor the client couldn't possibly be AuDHD, meaning both autistic and ADHD, "because they're just like me." His reply: you might want to look at that.

She was 57, and had been with her partner for more than 40 years. "I understand it from both sides of the chair," she said.

Her approach is built on the Neurodivergent Spiral of Life, a seven-layer framework she developed that treats neurodivergent growth as cyclical rather than linear. She presented it at the 2026 Stanford Neurodiversity Summit.

"When neurodivergence goes unrecognized, couples can spend decades interpreting neurological differences as rejection, indifference, or a lack of love," said Carrie Friedman, MSN, FNP-BC, PMHNP-BC, of BrainGarden Psychiatry in Roseville, Calif.

Start with data

For adults who recognize themselves, Lazarony says a formal diagnosis isn't the only starting point. Reputable screeners are a first step, along with tracking sleep, food and exercise. "You can be your own researcher on you," she said.

"My ultimate goal is helping people discover who they are and then fall in love with that person," she said.

Lazarony is the author of Unmasked Self-Acceptance: 365 Days of Coming Home to Who You Really Are and host of the Love on the Autism Spectrum podcast, now at 105 episodes.

Couples and individuals can book a free 20-minute Clarity & Connection session on Zoom to ask questions, get a feel for how she works and see whether it's a good fit, without pressure or performance. "You don't need to have it all figured out or know exactly what to say, because we go at the speed of your nervous system," Lazarony said. "Bring your coffee and your questions, and we'll start there."

About Love on the Autism Spectrum

Love on the Autism Spectrum is the California therapy and worldwide coaching practice of Barbara "Blaze" Lazarony, MA, LMFT (#151788), serving neurodivergent adults and couples. A coach for 23 years and a therapist for six, Lazarony has worked with hundreds of couples, conducted more than 50 adult autism and ADHD assessments, and created the Neurodivergent Spiral of Life.

Press Inquiries

Barbara Blaze Lazarony, MA
blaze [at] blazelazarony.com
https://loveontheautismspectrum.com/